How To Win Your Ex Back Fast: Confront Problems Positively

We must never forget that a peaceful, harmonious and fruitful relationship with another person depends not on avoiding situations likely to lead to dispute or confrontation but on confronting them in a positive, understanding and helpful spirit. Nothing can be achieved through violence and arguments — except more violence and arguments. Neither should we give in for the sake of preserving the peace, since giving in is just as bad as arguing. When I argue with someone, I insult his or her dignity, and in giving in I insult my own. The answer must be based on mutual respect. There is a phrase that we can apply to this situation that will help us live together in peace: 'Neither argue nor give in but understand and want to help'.

If I repress my emotions, control myself and curb my tongue, I am fighting myself. However, fighting can never be right. But if I give way to my emotions, give them free rein, then I hurt others and make a difficult situation worse, which cannot be right either. Furthermore, I would then be following the pleasure principle that reigns today, where I simply let myself go and do only what I want to do, regardless of the consequences for others. The result of the pleasure principle, which is not generally known, is that my unwillingness to do what is right grows and I make less and less effort.

The answer is to find a solution where there are no winners or losers, where the only aim is to try to understand and help each other.

When we know ourselves and learn to recognize the goals motivating our behaviour, those fits of raw emotion will become less frequent, less intense and of shorter duration. While we are getting to know ourselves, the need to understand will absorb and channel our energy, claim our attention and distract us from those emotions that were only threatening to us when they were out of our control. Moreover, once we have gained some understanding of our own motives, we can begin to understand the goals our partner is pursuing with his or her behaviour, which will help us learn to react less and to focus instead on how we can really help. 

This is the first step towards the flowering of the only really positive feeling there is. Every peaceful human relationship is based on it. Marital understanding depends on it. It is true, spiritual love, and spiritual love means listening to one's partner, paying attention, taking an interest and treating one's partner with respect. By loving our partner, we acknowledge that he or she is as close and precious to us as ourselves, and we will find it much easier to live together in peace.